I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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