well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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