I think scott just propositioned me for sex
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
