if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
