dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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