There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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