Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Be still, my beating vagina.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
