you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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