I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
