Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
