I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
