my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
