I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
