Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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