I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
