I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
