I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
