Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
