Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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