he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
