I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
