I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
my poor anus
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
