that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
