I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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