you didnt know i had herpes?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
