things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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