Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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