The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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