hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We left an ass print on the piano.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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