These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
