So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
