Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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