UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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