He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
