I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
