I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
