Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
