my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm both gender and math confused
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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