is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
