Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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