Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
