my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
try to milk me bitch
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