They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
