There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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