She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
