I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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