id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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