glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
