Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
