So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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