____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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