Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
