I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
