First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
